I have been wrestling with the decision of whether or not to enter the dating game again. I'm not ready to go back to the internet but I'm not closing myself off to opportunities that may present themselves. I guess I am still holding out hope that I will meet someone the old fashioned way and not through profile pictures, guided communication and "winks". I don't want to spend my time scrolling through pictures or reading about the book someone last read when I can spend that time working on becoming the person I am truly meant to be.
I told a friend today that I had an epiphany of sorts, that I have been trying to fill a void by dating someone. I assumed that once I met Mr. Right that my life will magically be complete...that's not how it works. I need to be complete before I can offer myself to someone else. The loneliness that I feel isn't going to disappear with the presence of a guy, that's only going to go away with patience and healing from God.
Right now I kind of feel like I am a puzzle, I've put the edges and corners together but I am still missing the majority of the pieces in the middle. I know that I have what I need to complete the picture, I just have to devote time to getting everything in the right spot. I have to have faith that everything will come into focus as I allow God to guide my hand to the next piece of the puzzle.
Monday, May 30, 2011
Monday, May 9, 2011
Old Habits...
I'm learning that old habits die hard, and I'm kind of disappointed in myself. I had this great new life plan and here I am teetering on the edge of bad decisions. I've actually done really well in not making any downright horrible decisions but there are those few moments when the devil on my shoulder is making perfect sense, and I am tempted to sway in a not so favorable direction, especially when it comes to members of the opposite sex.
I currently have a devil on my shoulder that will not go away! I keep flicking him off but somehow he seems to find his way right back to that cozy little spot where he can whisper in my ear. My resolve is getting weaker and I think that he knows that. I need the strength not to act on the ideas that are circulating in my head. I think The Fray said it best with "sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same". It is so easy to make a bad decision, it's the good decisions that take the most work.
I am faced with a situation in where I know what I should do and what I want to do. I want the easy way out. I want to make the bad decision and then pick up the pieces later. However, I know the hurt and the pain that I will feel after the situation is said and done, won't be worth it. I need to stick to my guns and continue on the path that I am on. But, of course, I keep telling myself that this time things could be different, that they could end up in my favor. Realistically, I know they won't. I'll be left watching P.S. I Love You and crying my way through a box of Kleenex.
I'm going to ride this out and hopefully will land safely on the other side. I've been praying about it and have a feeling the worst will be over soon. My mother says that I have matured in the last year (ok, stop laughing!) and I think I have. Maybe you do actually get wiser with age or maybe I realize that my actions have consequences...whatever it is, I'm happy with it. I just need to muster up the strength to kick this old habit and get rid of the devil that is perched on my shoulder.
I currently have a devil on my shoulder that will not go away! I keep flicking him off but somehow he seems to find his way right back to that cozy little spot where he can whisper in my ear. My resolve is getting weaker and I think that he knows that. I need the strength not to act on the ideas that are circulating in my head. I think The Fray said it best with "sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same". It is so easy to make a bad decision, it's the good decisions that take the most work.
I am faced with a situation in where I know what I should do and what I want to do. I want the easy way out. I want to make the bad decision and then pick up the pieces later. However, I know the hurt and the pain that I will feel after the situation is said and done, won't be worth it. I need to stick to my guns and continue on the path that I am on. But, of course, I keep telling myself that this time things could be different, that they could end up in my favor. Realistically, I know they won't. I'll be left watching P.S. I Love You and crying my way through a box of Kleenex.
I'm going to ride this out and hopefully will land safely on the other side. I've been praying about it and have a feeling the worst will be over soon. My mother says that I have matured in the last year (ok, stop laughing!) and I think I have. Maybe you do actually get wiser with age or maybe I realize that my actions have consequences...whatever it is, I'm happy with it. I just need to muster up the strength to kick this old habit and get rid of the devil that is perched on my shoulder.
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