Posey does not like having her eyes/faced cleaned. She squirms and tries so hard to release her head from my grip as I clean away her eye boogers and get hair out of her eyes. She doesn't understand what I am doing and fights me the entire time. Eventually I give up and let her run away from me and hide under the bed until she has forgotten what I did to her. This morning I heard myself tell her that I know this may hurt a little but I am doing it for her own good. I wonder if God tells himself that when we are in pain?
I am simply trying to take care of Posey by cleaning her face. I know that she cannot do it on her own and needs me there to clip her hair and wipe away the gunk that has collected in the corner of her eyes, she also hates baths but that is a whole other story! If I can get her to sit still long enough for me to finish the process I know she appreciates the clear vision, although she will withhold giving me attention until she forgets about the incident. Later she will crawl back into my lap and want me to love on her, all is forgiven. I wish she knew that it was for her own good.
I can't help but wonder if God is thinking something similar when He is trying to clean away all the bad things from our eyes. We don't always understand how things turn out in life, like why we didn't get that job, why someone close to us was diagnosed with an illness, why we are having relationship problems...we just don't get it. However, when it comes down to it we don't need to understand if we trust God. There is pain in our lives so that we will turn to God and so that we will develop perseverance and patience. It may hurt for a little while but God has a plan for us and we will be successful in His time and not ours; that totally makes sense when you read it but reconciling it in your heart can sometimes be the difficult part.
To be completely honest, I am not where I thought I would be at this point in my life. The life that I dreamed of isn't the one that I am living. I am ready to put roots down somewhere but I feel like I am still in a state of transition. I don't know where I will be in the next year and I do not like that feeling. I need to trust God more and to realize that what He is doing is for my own good. I may squirm and fight to get out of His grasp but He knows that what He is doing is best for me and He is not going to let go. I need to stop fighting God and trying to control my life in order to live the life that He has planned for me. Just like Posey needs to trust me that I am taking care of her, I need to trust God because he is taking care of me.
