There are hundreds of pretty girls that go to The Porch* on Tuesday nights. I wish the "hundreds" was an exaggeration but it's not. An estimated 2,500 people go into the worship center at Watermark to hang on JP's every word on a weekly basis. I'm a big fan of The Porch, I love the music (that's my jam!), the messages and I am currently going through the class to be able to serve. It's a pretty great way to spend your Tuesday night.
Back to my first statement, pretty girls abound there. Everywhere you turn there is another girl with perfectly styled hair, the latest trends and expertly done make-up. You really can't escape it. I try my hardest to fit in, but I always seem to miss the mark; either humidity has made some of my hair awkwardly curly, or my make-up has worn off during the day or I'm not sporting the latest trends (skinny jeans are not made for girls with hips!). To be completely honest, when I go shopping I often find myself asking..."would I wear this to The Porch?". If the answer is no, it goes back on the rack. Now, you don't have to tell me that I am totally missing the point of going to church on Tuesday night if this is where my mind is. I'm right there with you.
I have made no secret of my body image issues. I live in the land of comparison and berate myself for the pounds I've put on over three years. I'm consumed with thoughts on how I don't measure up simply because my measurements aren't the ideal 36-24-36 (and yes, for those who know me well, I am now singing Baby Got Back in my head!). I am shameful in who I am and try to hide in my clothes. The good news is, is that God is transforming my heart and mind (Romans 12:2). It is a slow process but I feel that I am making some strides.
I don't think that the perfect hair, latest trends and expert make-up come easily to most girls at The Porch. My personal opinion is that most of them strive to reach this society made expectation and it ultimately hurts God's heart. I strive just to stay in the race. The pack is up ahead and I just want to reach them. It's not going to happen, because that's just not who I am. The underside of my hair will always have a curl to it, I still can't figure out how to wear eyeliner on the bottom of my eyes and I'd rather be in an Audrey Hepburn inspired dress than a super trendy outfit from a pricy boutique. However, none of these things are important. Beauty comes to those who have a heart at rest that is full of faith, hope and love.
I not only hurt myself when I tear myself down, but I hurt my Creator. I am fearfully and wonderfully made in his image. First Peter 3:3-4 tells me that my beauty is not in outward adornment but in a gentle and quiet spirit. Beauty comes from who I am and how I love and serve God. I must quit striving and seek him, for his love will quiet my soul (Zeph 3:17). Popping pills, drinking smoothies that taste like grass and counting calories aren't going to bring me any relief from my negative image, only God can do that. There is a clear difference in living a healthy lifestyle and giving in to the latest fad. I don't want to be a slave to food labels or trends, I want to be a slave to him. Is my priority maintaining weight, burning calories, meeting the requirements of the food pyramid or using my body as a living sacrifice (Romans 12:1)?
My goal isn't to be just another pretty girl at The Porch. My goal is to be at rest, to reveal a beauty that is found in my soul and not based on my size or my fashion choice. Outward beauty is fleeting (Proverbs 31:30) and happiness can not be based on that, happiness is fleeting. Only eternal joy that is found in Christ can sustain a person's heart and soul. Are you chasing happiness or seeking eternal joy?
*The Porch is the Young Adults service at Watermark Community Church on Tuesday from 7-8:30. It is amazing! If you are interested in attending, let me know!!
