Inspiration

This blog was actually inspired by a piece of news that I heard about Taylor Swift on the radio. It seems that she "skin doodles" lyrics on her arms during concerts, a recent one was from a Selena Gomez song, and it read "You've got every right to a beautiful life". I really like that lyric! Who doesn't have a right to a beautiful life?  We have each been given this fabulous opportunity to have a tomorrow, why not make it beautiful? Now, there is some inspiration for you!

Taylor garners much of her inspiration from her real life experiences and the art of the world surrounding her. Where do you find your inspiration?

My inspiration is often collected in the form of quotes and scripture. I have a blank journal where I keep tabs of all the gems that I find, or that people say. I've quoted tv shows, songs, witty remarks from friends, and the Bible. Its weird how a random assortment of words can have an impact on me and how I live my life. I'm sure that Thoreau had no idea that he was going to have an impact on someone's life almost 150 years after his death. I will also be the first to admit that I have turned to Taylor Swift songs in an effort to banish a broken heart.

I also find inspiration in the people around me. I have been blessed to cultivate a career in a helping/serving profession. I come in contact with a wide variety of college students on a daily basis that teach me a great deal about who I am and who I can be. I am inspired by their struggles, their epiphanies, and their energy for life. They make me want to read more, ask myself the hard questions and to simply have fun.  Each of these kids make me want to do my job a little bit better and become a better person so that I can help them (and myself) navigate the road ahead.

Merriam-Webster defines inspiration as a power that can move the intellect or emotions. Have you been moved lately? My hope is that everyone finds inspiration somewhere. I know that on some days it is harder to come by than others. It is not unusual to see post-it notes or pieces of paper spouting quotes in mine or my co-workers office, we like to have daily reminders of why we do what we do and have become who we are. Take a minute and think about what brings you inspiration and surround yourself with it, you might be surprised with what it motivates you to do! 

Stage 5

During a recent conversation with friends I was labeled as "clingy" when it comes to relationships. I never thought I was until this fact hit me square in the face and I began to think of my behavior in past relationships. I will be the first to admit that I have made some questionable decisions when it comes to guys and been in some unhealthy "relationships" (if that's what you want to call them) and I can see where my behavior stemmed from. I'm not proud of the decisions that I made but now that I see the error in my ways, all I can do is move on from there.

I realize that my clingyness comes from a lack of trust. I put myself in several situations where I was the backup plan for the guy, essentially I was the other woman. I often spent my time wondering if the man of the moment was spending time with the person he truly cared about and what they were doing together. I knew that if I hadn't heard from him that he was with her. I didn't trust these guys and because of this I constantly wanted to know about their whereabouts and what they were doing. I was becoming more and more clingy in my efforts to establish a real relationship.

I've also realized that I am guilty of creating instant relationships with guys that I am interested in; by date number two, I already have us married and with two kids. Whoa, Nellie! I need to put the brakes on this situation fast! I am quickly approaching stage 5 clinger territory. I have got to slow down and learn to appreciate the process. I'm sure I have just scared off any potential single guy that may be reading this! I know that in order to fix this, I have to let go of the hurt and the pain I am carrying around from all my bad relationship decisions. I have to have faith and patience that God is going to bring me through this and bless me with someone that I will be able to trust.

All that I can do now is learn from the past and break the cycle. There is no need to dwell on all the things I did wrong, but to take what I can from each experience and move on. I know that I have the strength to do this, because God has given it to me. He is my strength and everyday I am becoming more of the person He intended me to be.

The Dating Game

I have been wrestling with the decision of whether or not to enter the dating game again. I'm not ready to go back to the internet but I'm not closing myself off to opportunities that may present themselves. I guess I am still holding out hope that I will meet someone the old fashioned way and not through profile pictures, guided communication and "winks". I don't want to spend my time scrolling through pictures or reading about the book someone last read when I can spend that time working on becoming the person I am truly meant to be.

 I told a friend today that I had an epiphany of sorts, that I have been trying to fill a void by dating someone. I assumed that once I met Mr. Right that my life will magically be complete...that's not how it works. I need to be complete before I can offer myself to someone else. The loneliness that I feel isn't going to disappear with the presence of a guy, that's only going to go away with patience and healing from God.

Right now I kind of feel like I am a puzzle, I've put the edges and corners together but I am still missing the majority of the pieces in the middle. I know that I have what I need to complete the picture, I just have to devote time to getting everything in the right spot. I have to have faith that everything will come into focus as I allow God to guide my hand to the next piece of the puzzle.

 

Old Habits...

I'm learning that old habits die hard, and I'm kind of disappointed in myself. I had this great new life plan and here I am teetering on the edge of bad decisions. I've actually done really well in not making any downright horrible decisions but there are those few moments when the devil on my shoulder is making perfect sense, and I am tempted to sway in a not so favorable direction, especially when it comes to members of the opposite sex. 

I currently have a devil on my shoulder that will not go away! I keep flicking him off but somehow he seems to find his way right back to that cozy little spot where he can whisper in my ear. My resolve is getting weaker and I think that he knows that. I need the strength not to act on the ideas that are circulating in my head. I think The Fray said it best with "sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same". It is so easy to make a bad decision, it's the good decisions that take the most work.

I am faced with a situation in where I know what I should do and what I want to do. I want the easy way out. I want to make the bad decision and then pick up the pieces later. However, I know the hurt and the pain that I will feel after the situation is said and done, won't be worth it. I need to stick to my guns and continue on the path that I am on. But, of course, I keep telling myself that this time things could be different, that they could end up in my favor. Realistically, I know they won't. I'll be left watching P.S. I Love You and crying my way through a box of Kleenex.

I'm going to ride this out and hopefully will land safely on the other side. I've been praying about it and have a feeling the worst will be over soon. My mother says that I have matured in the last year (ok, stop laughing!) and I think I have. Maybe you do actually get wiser with age or maybe I realize that my actions have consequences...whatever it is, I'm happy with it. I just need to muster up the strength to kick this old habit and get rid of the devil that is perched on my shoulder.

Peace

I'm watching the Royal Wedding (please don't judge me!) and someone important just spoke about being at peace. This is something I have been thinking about alot lately...

As a Christian, I should put all my trust in Him and lean not on my own understanding (Proverbs) but is that completely possible? The entire point of my blog and shifting my focus is to let God work in my life without me meddling too much but I still want to control some areas, i.e. my love life. Here I am, watching the Royal Wedding and half of my heart is thrilled that two people get to be part of such an exciting experience and the other half is darkened with the hurt and pain of still being single. I instantly begin to think of what I need to do in order to find Mr. Right and then I stop myself and realize that in order to have what I truly want (a marriage that is everlasting and built on God) that I have to be patient. God works on His time and not mine. I need to be at peace with this decision.

Coming to peace with a decision is a great undertaking. I must be able to turn all of my concerns and anxiety over to God for Him to be able to fulfill His plan for me. As a human, is that possible? Is peace truly attainable? Do these questions mean that I am lacking Faith? In my head, being at peace means that I will never feel this hurt or pain or want to take control over this area of my life. Is my idea of peace unrealistic?

I don't do well with uncertainty. I hate not knowing what is going on or how something is going to work out. If God could simply send me an angel in my dreams to tell me that I will get married in X number of years, I would greatly appreciate it! I don't think that's asking for too much. If only He worked that way...I will continue to pray for peace and patience, with the faith that one day I will receive it.

Perspective

One of my favorite quotes is from Thoreau, "It's not what you look at that matters, it's what you see." How profound is that!?!?! Perspective is everything! It's kind of one of those glass half full or empty, life gives you lemons kind of a thing. How are you going to see your world? And that's the best part...you get to decide the lens through which you view your life circumstances. Is there a better gift than that? You have the power and the ability to make lemonade or complain that your glass isn't as full as your neighbors.

Today one of my PAs made the comment that his plate is overflowing with school work, med school applications, PA responsibilities and many other things, but he has decided to tackle everything with a positive attitude. To him, there was no point in grumbling about all the tasks he has to complete, but realizing that it will be much easier to conquer the mountainous "to do" list with a positive attitude. Why is it so difficult for the rest of us to follow suit and live life with the same attitude?

My singleness is probably the issue that I struggle with the most. I often times view it as a prison sentence instead of a time to explore and learn about myself. My perception of my current circumstance is totally off! A dear friend advised me that instead of praying to find Mr. Right, that I should focus on being thankful for the life stage that I am in. I am in a phase of my life where I can pick up and do whatever I want to! I can move across the country, take a vacation anywhere I want, splurge on a manicure or have cereal for dinner, all because I want to! I was so focused on the negative aspects of being single that I never stopped to realize that my cup was overflowing with opportunity. I was looking at my life and seeing disappointment but when I shifted my focus all I saw were possibilities. Once I changed my perspective I was able to move ahead and become much more joyful in my approach to life.

My wish for you is that you will take a deeper look into your circumstances and identify areas that you can "see"differently. Thoreau was right, its not what you look at but what you see! A potter doesn't see a mound of clay but a beautiful bowl or a stately statue. How can you change your perspective and find more joy in your life?

Finding Gold!

The other day I read a quote on Twitter that has really made me stop and think. The quote was, "all that glitters is not gold." That has stuck with me over the couple of days as I have thought about what I want in my life. How many times have you seen someone with something that you want and become green with envy? My life story!! I even did it today in church, there was a couple sitting a row in front of me and he had his arm around her shoulder. I thought to myself..."I want that, he must really care for her"; but in reality I have no idea what goes on in their relationship. This could have been his way of being territorial and she could have been cringing by the touch of his hand. I saw something that glittered, but had no idea if it was made of gold. 

Jealousy and envy run rampant in our world. We are constantly comparing what we have and how we look against others who we have no idea what their struggles or identities are. I once told a friend that when I see couples at restaurants I get a little envious because they have what I want. She confided in me that if I would have seen her and her ex-boyfriend together I would have seen a perfect couple on the outside but would never have known the torment that she felt being in a relationship. I saw glitter and perfection but would not have known it wasn't really made of gold. I also do this when I see a girl in a cute outfit or see someone that I think is skinner or prettier than me, but I have no idea what the story is behind the outfit or if the person is dealing with an eating disorder or other body image issue. It is so much easier to assume that everything has come very easily for that other person while we beat ourselves up for our own lack of perfection.

Everyone has their own internal struggles that we will never know about. I may have a wall full of Coach purses (yes, I said wall...I hang them up like artwork, don't judge) but I will be first to tell you that they have all come from the outlet mall and I had a coupon; but when someone sees me carrying one they probably think that I am financially stable and can afford to buy an expensive purse. This is far from the truth, I am horrible at managing money and some months I am strapped for cash and live off of oatmeal for a week People may see the glitter and make assumptions but have no idea that money management is one of my biggest stressors.

The book of James is probably my favorite book of the Bible. There is a particular verse that I am drawn to when I think about gold, glittering and "wanting". James talks about desire giving birth to sin, and that "everything good and perfect gift is from above". This is the Truth! We all have desires and wants and we all see what we perceive to be gold in other people's lives and our jealousy or envy can drive us to make choices that aren't acceptable. For instance, maxing out credit cards, remaining in unstable relationships or coveting what our neighbor has. We must turn to God and ask with unwavering faith (James 1:6) for wisdom and when we do He will bless us! God is the gold that we should be striving for, He is the only perfection we will ever know. Next time you see someone with something you want, stop and say a prayer and be thankful for want you have and where you are in your life and you will start to see all your blessings sparkle and glitter a little more. .