Spirit of Want

Hello, my name is Ashley and I am a shopaholic! To some of you this is not a surprise at all, you know of my love for cute clothes, trendy accessories and Coach bags. It is truly an addiction that I am trying to shake. The reason I'm trying to set aside my materialistic ways it that I use shopping as a coping mechanism. I take retail therapy to a whole new level. I purchase things to make me feel better. How could a new pink Coach not brighten anyone's day? Shopping is also how I know that I am emotionally in a bad place, the worse I feel the more I shop. I shouldn't turn to Ann Taylor or Tiffany's to make me feel better, I should turn to God.

The first time I read Matthew 6:19-21, my parent's home in Killeen had recently been burglarized. It was shortly after my grandmother had passed away, and it had been a hectic day of moving some of her belongings. My mom didn't even tell me about the burglary until I asked where all my jewelery had gone. I had kept all the pieces that my grandmother had given me over the years in the top drawer of the dresser in my room. She broke down and told me that some kids had gotten in and stolen quite a bit from the house. I was so incredibly mad and frustrated. Someone had taken the only precious things that I had left from my grandmother and most like likely hocked them at a pawn shop. Shortly after this incident I managed to stumble across the verses in Matthew: "Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy and thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, your heart will be also.". My true treasure is my grandmother, and her love for me consumes my heart. No one will ever be able to take that away from me.

My community group is currently reading a book entitled "Calm My Anxious Heart" and the chapter for this week centers on possessions and recognizing that everything is God's. She uses the verse from Matthew to illustrate God's love and what the desires of are hearts should be. She also challenges her readers to stop and ask themselves "Where is my treasure? Where is my heart?" when faced with the decision to purchase something. I am challenging you to do the exact same thing. Learn where you place your focus and desires.

Over the years I have developed a Spirit of Want and not a Spirit of Contentment or Peace and I believe that is the root for many of my personal trials. My "want" now is God, and His love for me is totally free! I need to stop worrying about if my clothes make me look frumpy or if anyone will notice that I wore the same pants twice in one week, I need to worry about showing others love and being a woman of character. I want people to like me for the person I am, not the labels or styles that I wear. I know that I will continue to shop and purchase an occasional Coach (on sale...at the outlet mall), but this is not where I will seek joy from. I will find joy in my relationship with God and being a reflection of Him.  

This will be a topic that I blog about a lot because I am trying to become more content with who I am and what I have, which links itself very well with my budgetary issues. I wasn't kidding when I said I was a big mess! I truly do hope that my words are encouraging some of you to dig deeper into your own lives. I'm trying to tear down my walls and be vulnerable and honest with each post. I want you to share in this journey with me and I love reading the comments that you all post as well. It makes me feel like I'm not out here all alone. Thank you for your support!