Posey does not like having her eyes/faced cleaned. She squirms and tries so hard to release her head from my grip as I clean away her eye boogers and get hair out of her eyes. She doesn't understand what I am doing and fights me the entire time. Eventually I give up and let her run away from me and hide under the bed until she has forgotten what I did to her. This morning I heard myself tell her that I know this may hurt a little but I am doing it for her own good. I wonder if God tells himself that when we are in pain?
I am simply trying to take care of Posey by cleaning her face. I know that she cannot do it on her own and needs me there to clip her hair and wipe away the gunk that has collected in the corner of her eyes, she also hates baths but that is a whole other story! If I can get her to sit still long enough for me to finish the process I know she appreciates the clear vision, although she will withhold giving me attention until she forgets about the incident. Later she will crawl back into my lap and want me to love on her, all is forgiven. I wish she knew that it was for her own good.
I can't help but wonder if God is thinking something similar when He is trying to clean away all the bad things from our eyes. We don't always understand how things turn out in life, like why we didn't get that job, why someone close to us was diagnosed with an illness, why we are having relationship problems...we just don't get it. However, when it comes down to it we don't need to understand if we trust God. There is pain in our lives so that we will turn to God and so that we will develop perseverance and patience. It may hurt for a little while but God has a plan for us and we will be successful in His time and not ours; that totally makes sense when you read it but reconciling it in your heart can sometimes be the difficult part.
To be completely honest, I am not where I thought I would be at this point in my life. The life that I dreamed of isn't the one that I am living. I am ready to put roots down somewhere but I feel like I am still in a state of transition. I don't know where I will be in the next year and I do not like that feeling. I need to trust God more and to realize that what He is doing is for my own good. I may squirm and fight to get out of His grasp but He knows that what He is doing is best for me and He is not going to let go. I need to stop fighting God and trying to control my life in order to live the life that He has planned for me. Just like Posey needs to trust me that I am taking care of her, I need to trust God because he is taking care of me.
Sunday, August 14, 2011
Sunday, July 24, 2011
Testing, Testing, 1, 2, 3
All my friends know that I love Coach purses! It is the one brand that I am absolutely devoted to. My current collection hangs on a wall in my spare bedroom like artwork! Although I do love this brand, I refuse to pay retail. All of my purchases have been made at an outlet...with a coupon! My favorite deal was on a large (ok, very large) bag that I paid a fraction of the cost for. I use it for weekend travel, group outings or anytime that I need to tote around a bunch of stuff. One staff member even claimed that he could live in the bag and put it over his head (thanks, Andrew!).
I went to the outlet mall yesterday to find a bag that I had seen a couple of weeks ago. It was a little too pricey at the time, so I thought I'd go back and see if it had been discounted any further. I ended up finding two bags that I desperately wanted. One was the style that I had returned for and the other was a bag that would have been perfect for work. It had plenty of room for my planner, bottle of H-E-B water, notebooks and other work accessories. It was gray and black with the Coach signature C's. I loved it! However, in order to purchase both bags I would have had to put them on my credit card...the credit card that I am trying to pay off. The purchase would have been exactly the amount of one months payment on the card, guilt flooded my body. It wasn't until I made it all the way through the line for the cashier that I decided not to get the bag for work.
Walking around the store, struggling with my decision I had convinced myself that the confidence I got from carrying the bag was worth the additional months payment.I love the confidence that I get from carrying my Coach bags, I hold my head a little higher and I walk with a bit more swagger. It is great! However, by the time it was my turn to pay I realized that I should not get my confidence from a bag with a bunch of little c's on it, but from the big C that has my heart...Christ. Confidence should come from the love that I receive from God and not from something that society has deemed valuable. I should hold my head higher because I know that I get to spend eternity with a King and not from something that can be easy destroyed or taken from me (Matthew 6:19-21).
As I was in line, I was also reflecting on a message that I heard in church a few months ago. JP spoke on James (which is my favorite book) and even used Coach in his example. He was illustrating sin, desire and temptation. His example was about walking by a store (Coach) seeing something that you wanted, knowing you can't afford it but rationalizing the cost anyway. That is exactly what I was doing. The scripture goes on to state that God does not tempt (James 1:13) and that desire gives birth to sin and death (1:14-15). Although God does not tempt, he does test His children. He wants us to grow and mature so that our behavior will change. I have been trying to achieve more control over my financial situation and charging this purchase would have been my old behavior. I realized that this would not please God and I walked away. The reward and confidence that I get from God is far better that the feeling I get from a man made bag. Charging both bags would have been falling to temptation and desire. God's will is that I submit to Him and not to temptation (again, thanks to JP and his message last Sunday).
I realize that I still have a long way to go in my desire to be more like Christ and ridding myself of all the "wants" in my life. However, this was a small victory for me. I overcame my past behavior in order to find fulfillment in God. Jesus paid the greatest price for me already, I don't need a coupon to have a life infused with the kind of confidence that I get from Him. I will walk with a little more swagger because I know I already have everything I need in Him.
I went to the outlet mall yesterday to find a bag that I had seen a couple of weeks ago. It was a little too pricey at the time, so I thought I'd go back and see if it had been discounted any further. I ended up finding two bags that I desperately wanted. One was the style that I had returned for and the other was a bag that would have been perfect for work. It had plenty of room for my planner, bottle of H-E-B water, notebooks and other work accessories. It was gray and black with the Coach signature C's. I loved it! However, in order to purchase both bags I would have had to put them on my credit card...the credit card that I am trying to pay off. The purchase would have been exactly the amount of one months payment on the card, guilt flooded my body. It wasn't until I made it all the way through the line for the cashier that I decided not to get the bag for work.
Walking around the store, struggling with my decision I had convinced myself that the confidence I got from carrying the bag was worth the additional months payment.I love the confidence that I get from carrying my Coach bags, I hold my head a little higher and I walk with a bit more swagger. It is great! However, by the time it was my turn to pay I realized that I should not get my confidence from a bag with a bunch of little c's on it, but from the big C that has my heart...Christ. Confidence should come from the love that I receive from God and not from something that society has deemed valuable. I should hold my head higher because I know that I get to spend eternity with a King and not from something that can be easy destroyed or taken from me (Matthew 6:19-21).
As I was in line, I was also reflecting on a message that I heard in church a few months ago. JP spoke on James (which is my favorite book) and even used Coach in his example. He was illustrating sin, desire and temptation. His example was about walking by a store (Coach) seeing something that you wanted, knowing you can't afford it but rationalizing the cost anyway. That is exactly what I was doing. The scripture goes on to state that God does not tempt (James 1:13) and that desire gives birth to sin and death (1:14-15). Although God does not tempt, he does test His children. He wants us to grow and mature so that our behavior will change. I have been trying to achieve more control over my financial situation and charging this purchase would have been my old behavior. I realized that this would not please God and I walked away. The reward and confidence that I get from God is far better that the feeling I get from a man made bag. Charging both bags would have been falling to temptation and desire. God's will is that I submit to Him and not to temptation (again, thanks to JP and his message last Sunday).
I realize that I still have a long way to go in my desire to be more like Christ and ridding myself of all the "wants" in my life. However, this was a small victory for me. I overcame my past behavior in order to find fulfillment in God. Jesus paid the greatest price for me already, I don't need a coupon to have a life infused with the kind of confidence that I get from Him. I will walk with a little more swagger because I know I already have everything I need in Him.
Sunday, June 12, 2011
Inspiration
This blog was actually inspired by a piece of news that I heard about Taylor Swift on the radio. It seems that she "skin doodles" lyrics on her arms during concerts, a recent one was from a Selena Gomez song, and it read "You've got every right to a beautiful life". I really like that lyric! Who doesn't have a right to a beautiful life? We have each been given this fabulous opportunity to have a tomorrow, why not make it beautiful? Now, there is some inspiration for you!
Taylor garners much of her inspiration from her real life experiences and the art of the world surrounding her. Where do you find your inspiration?
My inspiration is often collected in the form of quotes and scripture. I have a blank journal where I keep tabs of all the gems that I find, or that people say. I've quoted tv shows, songs, witty remarks from friends, and the Bible. Its weird how a random assortment of words can have an impact on me and how I live my life. I'm sure that Thoreau had no idea that he was going to have an impact on someone's life almost 150 years after his death. I will also be the first to admit that I have turned to Taylor Swift songs in an effort to banish a broken heart.
I also find inspiration in the people around me. I have been blessed to cultivate a career in a helping/serving profession. I come in contact with a wide variety of college students on a daily basis that teach me a great deal about who I am and who I can be. I am inspired by their struggles, their epiphanies, and their energy for life. They make me want to read more, ask myself the hard questions and to simply have fun. Each of these kids make me want to do my job a little bit better and become a better person so that I can help them (and myself) navigate the road ahead.
Merriam-Webster defines inspiration as a power that can move the intellect or emotions. Have you been moved lately? My hope is that everyone finds inspiration somewhere. I know that on some days it is harder to come by than others. It is not unusual to see post-it notes or pieces of paper spouting quotes in mine or my co-workers office, we like to have daily reminders of why we do what we do and have become who we are. Take a minute and think about what brings you inspiration and surround yourself with it, you might be surprised with what it motivates you to do!
Taylor garners much of her inspiration from her real life experiences and the art of the world surrounding her. Where do you find your inspiration?
My inspiration is often collected in the form of quotes and scripture. I have a blank journal where I keep tabs of all the gems that I find, or that people say. I've quoted tv shows, songs, witty remarks from friends, and the Bible. Its weird how a random assortment of words can have an impact on me and how I live my life. I'm sure that Thoreau had no idea that he was going to have an impact on someone's life almost 150 years after his death. I will also be the first to admit that I have turned to Taylor Swift songs in an effort to banish a broken heart.
I also find inspiration in the people around me. I have been blessed to cultivate a career in a helping/serving profession. I come in contact with a wide variety of college students on a daily basis that teach me a great deal about who I am and who I can be. I am inspired by their struggles, their epiphanies, and their energy for life. They make me want to read more, ask myself the hard questions and to simply have fun. Each of these kids make me want to do my job a little bit better and become a better person so that I can help them (and myself) navigate the road ahead.
Merriam-Webster defines inspiration as a power that can move the intellect or emotions. Have you been moved lately? My hope is that everyone finds inspiration somewhere. I know that on some days it is harder to come by than others. It is not unusual to see post-it notes or pieces of paper spouting quotes in mine or my co-workers office, we like to have daily reminders of why we do what we do and have become who we are. Take a minute and think about what brings you inspiration and surround yourself with it, you might be surprised with what it motivates you to do!
Sunday, June 5, 2011
Stage 5
During a recent conversation with friends I was labeled as "clingy" when it comes to relationships. I never thought I was until this fact hit me square in the face and I began to think of my behavior in past relationships. I will be the first to admit that I have made some questionable decisions when it comes to guys and been in some unhealthy "relationships" (if that's what you want to call them) and I can see where my behavior stemmed from. I'm not proud of the decisions that I made but now that I see the error in my ways, all I can do is move on from there.
I realize that my clingyness comes from a lack of trust. I put myself in several situations where I was the backup plan for the guy, essentially I was the other woman. I often spent my time wondering if the man of the moment was spending time with the person he truly cared about and what they were doing together. I knew that if I hadn't heard from him that he was with her. I didn't trust these guys and because of this I constantly wanted to know about their whereabouts and what they were doing. I was becoming more and more clingy in my efforts to establish a real relationship.
I've also realized that I am guilty of creating instant relationships with guys that I am interested in; by date number two, I already have us married and with two kids. Whoa, Nellie! I need to put the brakes on this situation fast! I am quickly approaching stage 5 clinger territory. I have got to slow down and learn to appreciate the process. I'm sure I have just scared off any potential single guy that may be reading this! I know that in order to fix this, I have to let go of the hurt and the pain I am carrying around from all my bad relationship decisions. I have to have faith and patience that God is going to bring me through this and bless me with someone that I will be able to trust.
All that I can do now is learn from the past and break the cycle. There is no need to dwell on all the things I did wrong, but to take what I can from each experience and move on. I know that I have the strength to do this, because God has given it to me. He is my strength and everyday I am becoming more of the person He intended me to be.
I realize that my clingyness comes from a lack of trust. I put myself in several situations where I was the backup plan for the guy, essentially I was the other woman. I often spent my time wondering if the man of the moment was spending time with the person he truly cared about and what they were doing together. I knew that if I hadn't heard from him that he was with her. I didn't trust these guys and because of this I constantly wanted to know about their whereabouts and what they were doing. I was becoming more and more clingy in my efforts to establish a real relationship.
I've also realized that I am guilty of creating instant relationships with guys that I am interested in; by date number two, I already have us married and with two kids. Whoa, Nellie! I need to put the brakes on this situation fast! I am quickly approaching stage 5 clinger territory. I have got to slow down and learn to appreciate the process. I'm sure I have just scared off any potential single guy that may be reading this! I know that in order to fix this, I have to let go of the hurt and the pain I am carrying around from all my bad relationship decisions. I have to have faith and patience that God is going to bring me through this and bless me with someone that I will be able to trust.
All that I can do now is learn from the past and break the cycle. There is no need to dwell on all the things I did wrong, but to take what I can from each experience and move on. I know that I have the strength to do this, because God has given it to me. He is my strength and everyday I am becoming more of the person He intended me to be.
Monday, May 30, 2011
The Dating Game
I have been wrestling with the decision of whether or not to enter the dating game again. I'm not ready to go back to the internet but I'm not closing myself off to opportunities that may present themselves. I guess I am still holding out hope that I will meet someone the old fashioned way and not through profile pictures, guided communication and "winks". I don't want to spend my time scrolling through pictures or reading about the book someone last read when I can spend that time working on becoming the person I am truly meant to be.
I told a friend today that I had an epiphany of sorts, that I have been trying to fill a void by dating someone. I assumed that once I met Mr. Right that my life will magically be complete...that's not how it works. I need to be complete before I can offer myself to someone else. The loneliness that I feel isn't going to disappear with the presence of a guy, that's only going to go away with patience and healing from God.
Right now I kind of feel like I am a puzzle, I've put the edges and corners together but I am still missing the majority of the pieces in the middle. I know that I have what I need to complete the picture, I just have to devote time to getting everything in the right spot. I have to have faith that everything will come into focus as I allow God to guide my hand to the next piece of the puzzle.
I told a friend today that I had an epiphany of sorts, that I have been trying to fill a void by dating someone. I assumed that once I met Mr. Right that my life will magically be complete...that's not how it works. I need to be complete before I can offer myself to someone else. The loneliness that I feel isn't going to disappear with the presence of a guy, that's only going to go away with patience and healing from God.
Right now I kind of feel like I am a puzzle, I've put the edges and corners together but I am still missing the majority of the pieces in the middle. I know that I have what I need to complete the picture, I just have to devote time to getting everything in the right spot. I have to have faith that everything will come into focus as I allow God to guide my hand to the next piece of the puzzle.
Monday, May 9, 2011
Old Habits...
I'm learning that old habits die hard, and I'm kind of disappointed in myself. I had this great new life plan and here I am teetering on the edge of bad decisions. I've actually done really well in not making any downright horrible decisions but there are those few moments when the devil on my shoulder is making perfect sense, and I am tempted to sway in a not so favorable direction, especially when it comes to members of the opposite sex.
I currently have a devil on my shoulder that will not go away! I keep flicking him off but somehow he seems to find his way right back to that cozy little spot where he can whisper in my ear. My resolve is getting weaker and I think that he knows that. I need the strength not to act on the ideas that are circulating in my head. I think The Fray said it best with "sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same". It is so easy to make a bad decision, it's the good decisions that take the most work.
I am faced with a situation in where I know what I should do and what I want to do. I want the easy way out. I want to make the bad decision and then pick up the pieces later. However, I know the hurt and the pain that I will feel after the situation is said and done, won't be worth it. I need to stick to my guns and continue on the path that I am on. But, of course, I keep telling myself that this time things could be different, that they could end up in my favor. Realistically, I know they won't. I'll be left watching P.S. I Love You and crying my way through a box of Kleenex.
I'm going to ride this out and hopefully will land safely on the other side. I've been praying about it and have a feeling the worst will be over soon. My mother says that I have matured in the last year (ok, stop laughing!) and I think I have. Maybe you do actually get wiser with age or maybe I realize that my actions have consequences...whatever it is, I'm happy with it. I just need to muster up the strength to kick this old habit and get rid of the devil that is perched on my shoulder.
I currently have a devil on my shoulder that will not go away! I keep flicking him off but somehow he seems to find his way right back to that cozy little spot where he can whisper in my ear. My resolve is getting weaker and I think that he knows that. I need the strength not to act on the ideas that are circulating in my head. I think The Fray said it best with "sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same". It is so easy to make a bad decision, it's the good decisions that take the most work.
I am faced with a situation in where I know what I should do and what I want to do. I want the easy way out. I want to make the bad decision and then pick up the pieces later. However, I know the hurt and the pain that I will feel after the situation is said and done, won't be worth it. I need to stick to my guns and continue on the path that I am on. But, of course, I keep telling myself that this time things could be different, that they could end up in my favor. Realistically, I know they won't. I'll be left watching P.S. I Love You and crying my way through a box of Kleenex.
I'm going to ride this out and hopefully will land safely on the other side. I've been praying about it and have a feeling the worst will be over soon. My mother says that I have matured in the last year (ok, stop laughing!) and I think I have. Maybe you do actually get wiser with age or maybe I realize that my actions have consequences...whatever it is, I'm happy with it. I just need to muster up the strength to kick this old habit and get rid of the devil that is perched on my shoulder.
Friday, April 29, 2011
Peace
I'm watching the Royal Wedding (please don't judge me!) and someone important just spoke about being at peace. This is something I have been thinking about alot lately...
As a Christian, I should put all my trust in Him and lean not on my own understanding (Proverbs) but is that completely possible? The entire point of my blog and shifting my focus is to let God work in my life without me meddling too much but I still want to control some areas, i.e. my love life. Here I am, watching the Royal Wedding and half of my heart is thrilled that two people get to be part of such an exciting experience and the other half is darkened with the hurt and pain of still being single. I instantly begin to think of what I need to do in order to find Mr. Right and then I stop myself and realize that in order to have what I truly want (a marriage that is everlasting and built on God) that I have to be patient. God works on His time and not mine. I need to be at peace with this decision.
Coming to peace with a decision is a great undertaking. I must be able to turn all of my concerns and anxiety over to God for Him to be able to fulfill His plan for me. As a human, is that possible? Is peace truly attainable? Do these questions mean that I am lacking Faith? In my head, being at peace means that I will never feel this hurt or pain or want to take control over this area of my life. Is my idea of peace unrealistic?
I don't do well with uncertainty. I hate not knowing what is going on or how something is going to work out. If God could simply send me an angel in my dreams to tell me that I will get married in X number of years, I would greatly appreciate it! I don't think that's asking for too much. If only He worked that way...I will continue to pray for peace and patience, with the faith that one day I will receive it.
As a Christian, I should put all my trust in Him and lean not on my own understanding (Proverbs) but is that completely possible? The entire point of my blog and shifting my focus is to let God work in my life without me meddling too much but I still want to control some areas, i.e. my love life. Here I am, watching the Royal Wedding and half of my heart is thrilled that two people get to be part of such an exciting experience and the other half is darkened with the hurt and pain of still being single. I instantly begin to think of what I need to do in order to find Mr. Right and then I stop myself and realize that in order to have what I truly want (a marriage that is everlasting and built on God) that I have to be patient. God works on His time and not mine. I need to be at peace with this decision.
Coming to peace with a decision is a great undertaking. I must be able to turn all of my concerns and anxiety over to God for Him to be able to fulfill His plan for me. As a human, is that possible? Is peace truly attainable? Do these questions mean that I am lacking Faith? In my head, being at peace means that I will never feel this hurt or pain or want to take control over this area of my life. Is my idea of peace unrealistic?
I don't do well with uncertainty. I hate not knowing what is going on or how something is going to work out. If God could simply send me an angel in my dreams to tell me that I will get married in X number of years, I would greatly appreciate it! I don't think that's asking for too much. If only He worked that way...I will continue to pray for peace and patience, with the faith that one day I will receive it.
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