Sometimes when I am having a bad day or need some extra encouragement I will sit down with my Bible and ask God to show me words that will encourage my heart. Then I randomly open my Bible and read a few pages, trying to figure out what God is trying to tell me. Tonight was no different...
I've been struggling with some of my insecurities lately. My heart has been hurt and today I was just a little down. Satan was definitely wagging war on me and I was filled with self-doubt and anxiety. All day I felt like I was asking God "why?" and not getting an answer. My head was full of the typical lies women buy in to regarding their looks, weight, style and beauty. This was all because I didn't feel wanted or worthy.
How easily I forget that I am the object of God's affection!! I grabbed by Bible and sat down on the couch and bowed my head in prayer, asking God to reveal something in His word that would encourage me and strengthen my heart. He led me to Song of Songs. My first reminder was that I am His beloved. He loves me like no one else does or ever will. Yes, I want an earthly husband to love and cherish me but I know that won't provide fulfillment. The only love that can do that is from my heavenly father. He has brought joy and reassurance to my heart tonight.
The verse that stood out to me was Song of Songs 3:8 "Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires". Another reminder for me to be patient and wait on God's timing when it comes to my love life. I certainly want to be the excellent wife described in Proverbs 31:10-31 and I know developing that type of character and those characteristics takes time. I am a work in progress and so is my future husband. My waiting is only drawing me closer to God and making me more Christ-like. I need to make more of an effort to remember that and not let the lies that loneliness brings suffocate my heart.
Sunday, January 6, 2013
Thursday, January 3, 2013
Corrupt
My mind has been corrupted by romantic comedies. I mean, what woman doesn't want to be swept away on a horse or yacht or limo? What woman doesn't want a man to scale a fire escape to rescue her? What woman doesn't want to dance with her man in the rain? What woman doesn't want to be awakened by a kiss from her prince? What women doesn't want a man to plot to meet her in a park and reveal his identify and love for her? Well, just because you want it, doesn't mean its gonna happen.
I am going out on a huge limb here...there is a guy that I am interested in. I would definitely like to spend more time with him and get to know him better. I am fairly certain that he knows I'm interested and I think he might be too, but I'm just not sure. I really can't tell if he is or isn't interested. In the secular world, I would be texting like crazy, totally relying on my emotions and progressing way too fast. Now that I want to date biblically, I have to sit back and wait. Wait for him to ask me out, wait for him to let me know he is interested, wait for him to initiate. Have I mentioned that I'm not really good at waiting? Meanwhile, my mind is playing tricks on me. Not hearing from him has me wondering if he is interested, maybe he just isn't that into me (thank you, romantic comedy #6,789). My friends tell me he will ask me out when he is ready, meanwhile...yap, you guessed it...I get to wait. I'm really, really bad at that.
I had an epiphany regarding why I might be so bad at waiting...I have expectations that I want this boy to meet. I want him to think about me, I want him to text me, I want him to ask me out, I want him to hold my hand. This is totally unfair to him. How is he supposed to know all of this? Until he decides (hopefully!) to intentional pursue me, I can't have any expectations. Having expectations will only lead to frustration and disappointment. There is no reason for me to believe that he knows any of my "wants" or expectations. I want the fantasy of a romantic comedy and that just doesn't happen in real life. I may not get the romantic comedy that I want, but I know I will get the love story I deserve from God. His authorship is better than high paid writers crafting a box office hit. He has also already given me the most romantic story ever through His word.
So, I'm going to wait and see what happens. I'm going to leave my expectations at the door and just have fun. There is no point in me dwelling on what isn't happening, I am going to focus on what is! God is going to give me nothing but His best and I am pretty pumped about that!
I am going out on a huge limb here...there is a guy that I am interested in. I would definitely like to spend more time with him and get to know him better. I am fairly certain that he knows I'm interested and I think he might be too, but I'm just not sure. I really can't tell if he is or isn't interested. In the secular world, I would be texting like crazy, totally relying on my emotions and progressing way too fast. Now that I want to date biblically, I have to sit back and wait. Wait for him to ask me out, wait for him to let me know he is interested, wait for him to initiate. Have I mentioned that I'm not really good at waiting? Meanwhile, my mind is playing tricks on me. Not hearing from him has me wondering if he is interested, maybe he just isn't that into me (thank you, romantic comedy #6,789). My friends tell me he will ask me out when he is ready, meanwhile...yap, you guessed it...I get to wait. I'm really, really bad at that.
I had an epiphany regarding why I might be so bad at waiting...I have expectations that I want this boy to meet. I want him to think about me, I want him to text me, I want him to ask me out, I want him to hold my hand. This is totally unfair to him. How is he supposed to know all of this? Until he decides (hopefully!) to intentional pursue me, I can't have any expectations. Having expectations will only lead to frustration and disappointment. There is no reason for me to believe that he knows any of my "wants" or expectations. I want the fantasy of a romantic comedy and that just doesn't happen in real life. I may not get the romantic comedy that I want, but I know I will get the love story I deserve from God. His authorship is better than high paid writers crafting a box office hit. He has also already given me the most romantic story ever through His word.
So, I'm going to wait and see what happens. I'm going to leave my expectations at the door and just have fun. There is no point in me dwelling on what isn't happening, I am going to focus on what is! God is going to give me nothing but His best and I am pretty pumped about that!
Wednesday, January 2, 2013
My Non-resolution Resolution
A few years ago a friend introduced me to The One Word Project, the goal is to not make a resolution for the new year, but to choose one word and make it your theme. My first word was "intentional" and I've actually hung onto it for the last two years, this year I am changing it to "challenge". I want to challenge myself in several different areas of my life. I feel like I have just been getting by lately and I want to go above and beyond and make myself a better person.
The first area that I am going to concentrate on is developing spirituality. This past Sunday, Blake Holmes spoke at Watermark about developing as a Christian and the need for continual growth. He told a story about his daughter learning to ski on the bunny slope and how eventually she will make her way to green and blue trails. The same is true with spiritual maturity, you don't want to stay on the bunny slope forever, you want to be closer to God, learn more about the word and continue to become more like Christ, essentially you want to move past the bunny slope. You have to set goals for yourself in order to grow and mature to achieve life transformation. Blake notes that growth and maturity are not achieved by checking items off a list (memorizing scripture, reading books, etc.) but is achieved through a change in your heart. My goal is to be more diligent with my quiet times, focus on prayer and mediation and continue to serve within the Singles Watermark Community ministry (as a CG leader as well as an existing-leader coach). I will use these as tools to continue to grow in my relationship with Christ. Here is the link if you want to listen to Blake's message: http://www.watermark.org/media/.
The second area that I am going to focus on is my health. I don't want to drop a bomb on anyone, but...I'm diabetic! I know, right!! :) To be completely honest, sometimes I forget. I have gotten so used to it, that it has become second nature for me. I eat what I want when I want and workout only when I can pry myself out of bed. This needs to change. Two years ago, I spent a week in ICU because my insulin pump malfunctioned. It was then that I realized that I am not like everyone else, I have a chronic illness that makes my life different. I need to be more aware of what I am putting into my body and how certain foods effect me. I also get regular migraines and my beautiful friend Meera, sent me a blurb from an article stating that gluten can have an effect on the sensitivity and duration of migraines. Bye, bye gluten! I probably won't go 100% gluten-free but am definitely going to try to avoid it when I can. This is going to be a huge challenge, but it will have a profound impact on my life if I can make it work. oh, yeah and I guess I can exercise more. :)
I am also going to challenge myself to stick to my budget and continue to save for seminary, to be intentional with the relationships I build with others, and to look for opportunities to serve and encourage where I can.
I have a feeling that something big is going to happen this year. My life will ultimately change for the better. I can't wait to see what God has in store for me!
The first area that I am going to concentrate on is developing spirituality. This past Sunday, Blake Holmes spoke at Watermark about developing as a Christian and the need for continual growth. He told a story about his daughter learning to ski on the bunny slope and how eventually she will make her way to green and blue trails. The same is true with spiritual maturity, you don't want to stay on the bunny slope forever, you want to be closer to God, learn more about the word and continue to become more like Christ, essentially you want to move past the bunny slope. You have to set goals for yourself in order to grow and mature to achieve life transformation. Blake notes that growth and maturity are not achieved by checking items off a list (memorizing scripture, reading books, etc.) but is achieved through a change in your heart. My goal is to be more diligent with my quiet times, focus on prayer and mediation and continue to serve within the Singles Watermark Community ministry (as a CG leader as well as an existing-leader coach). I will use these as tools to continue to grow in my relationship with Christ. Here is the link if you want to listen to Blake's message: http://www.watermark.org/media/.
The second area that I am going to focus on is my health. I don't want to drop a bomb on anyone, but...I'm diabetic! I know, right!! :) To be completely honest, sometimes I forget. I have gotten so used to it, that it has become second nature for me. I eat what I want when I want and workout only when I can pry myself out of bed. This needs to change. Two years ago, I spent a week in ICU because my insulin pump malfunctioned. It was then that I realized that I am not like everyone else, I have a chronic illness that makes my life different. I need to be more aware of what I am putting into my body and how certain foods effect me. I also get regular migraines and my beautiful friend Meera, sent me a blurb from an article stating that gluten can have an effect on the sensitivity and duration of migraines. Bye, bye gluten! I probably won't go 100% gluten-free but am definitely going to try to avoid it when I can. This is going to be a huge challenge, but it will have a profound impact on my life if I can make it work. oh, yeah and I guess I can exercise more. :)
I am also going to challenge myself to stick to my budget and continue to save for seminary, to be intentional with the relationships I build with others, and to look for opportunities to serve and encourage where I can.
I have a feeling that something big is going to happen this year. My life will ultimately change for the better. I can't wait to see what God has in store for me!
Sunday, December 16, 2012
We got to pray just to make it today!
Yesterday was quite possibly the worst day ever. For those of you who have never had a migraine, I hope you never do. For those of you who have had a migraine, I know that you feel my pain...literally. All I could do yesterday was lay down with my eyes closed. I went back and forth between my bed and couch, desperately trying to get comfortable. I couldn't watch tv, read or listen to music, all were to much of a sensory overload.I was utterly miserable.
I spent 16 hours alternating between sleep and tossing and turning. I would lay with my eyes closed and would wait for sleep to wash over me. During the periods when I was awake, I would pray. My eyes were closed and I was in His presence and at some point would drift back off to sleep. I'm pretty sure I spent more time with God yesterday than probably all week. I prayed for my friends and the hope of blossoming relationships, I prayed for the welfare of my family, I thanked and praised God for all that He is, and I prayed for the families touched by the recent shooting tragedy. In my physical pain I found myself retreating to Him. If at some point you crossed my mind yesterday, you were prayed for. I prayed for my staff and their finals, I prayed for friends that are far away, I prayed for those that I see frequently...
I also prayed for myself.. I prayed for a closer relationship with Him, a place to live and a job come May, patience...lots of patience, that I would serve as a light to those around me, and that I would feel better in the morning! My prayers were like a conversation with a friend. There were no formalities, just a simple conversation. At times I was quiet and listened for His response and He would direct my thoughts or remind me of scripture. I realized I need to spend more time like this, more time in conversation with Him. Not time simply presenting requests or rattling off a laundry list of wants or needs, but time letting my heart speak and taking time to listen to His response.
P.S. For everyone who got the McHammer reference, you rock!!
I spent 16 hours alternating between sleep and tossing and turning. I would lay with my eyes closed and would wait for sleep to wash over me. During the periods when I was awake, I would pray. My eyes were closed and I was in His presence and at some point would drift back off to sleep. I'm pretty sure I spent more time with God yesterday than probably all week. I prayed for my friends and the hope of blossoming relationships, I prayed for the welfare of my family, I thanked and praised God for all that He is, and I prayed for the families touched by the recent shooting tragedy. In my physical pain I found myself retreating to Him. If at some point you crossed my mind yesterday, you were prayed for. I prayed for my staff and their finals, I prayed for friends that are far away, I prayed for those that I see frequently...
I also prayed for myself.. I prayed for a closer relationship with Him, a place to live and a job come May, patience...lots of patience, that I would serve as a light to those around me, and that I would feel better in the morning! My prayers were like a conversation with a friend. There were no formalities, just a simple conversation. At times I was quiet and listened for His response and He would direct my thoughts or remind me of scripture. I realized I need to spend more time like this, more time in conversation with Him. Not time simply presenting requests or rattling off a laundry list of wants or needs, but time letting my heart speak and taking time to listen to His response.
P.S. For everyone who got the McHammer reference, you rock!!
Thursday, December 6, 2012
King David
I wish I was more like King David...well, apart from the concubines, multiple wives, and big time sin. Ever since God gave me the idea to go to seminary, I wanted to get to know David a little better. Why? His journey was not easy and I knew that mine was not going to be either. David was called to be king at a young age and had to wait out the reign of Saul to take his position. Just because David was hand-picked by God didn't mean that he life was going to be like a day at the beach. I know that even though God has called me to return to school full time, it will be a difficult road. I will have to readjust to being in school and the comfortable lifestyle I have come accustom to, will be a thing of the past.
Well, back to me wanting to be more like David...a friend posted a psalm recently and it spoke to my heart. I added it to my journal of scripture and made a mental note to memorize it. I was going through my journal and reading all the other entries from the book of Psalms and was deeply touched by David's love and willingness to trust in God. Over and over again, you read how David is pouring out his heart to his heavenly father. His words show how much he loves God and honors Him.You can see, without a doubt, that David is consumed with God, that He truly is his strength, shield, stronghold, protector, redeemer...the list goes on. I have to admit that sometimes I struggle with this. I know in my mind that God loves me unconditionally and that I am chosen but sometimes that doesn't always translate to my heart. David never wavered, well, there was that incident with Bathsheba but even in his sin he knew God was still there. I think one reason why he didn't repent until Nathan approached him was because David knew that God was still there watching AND loving him.
Our God is a living god, He is with us now. He is watching over us now, He longs for us now! We were created to be in relationship with Him, He wants our undivided attention and love. I wish I could pour out my heart like David did. I know God isn't expecting me to be the author of 150 psalms to show my love and devotion. I can show my love for Him by living my life for Him. David has inspired me to make loving God a priority. In Titus 2, I learned that the more I get to know God and understand Him, the more I will feel His love.Over the past three years, God has become more and more a priority in my life. I continue to seek Him through my quiet times, community group, enrolling in bible studies and prayer. I want to be able to show my love for Him like David did. I'm going to dive into the Psalms and I'm looking forward to learning more about God and seeing Him through the eyes of David. My prayer is that I will strengthen my relationship with God and become more of a woman after God's heart.
Well, back to me wanting to be more like David...a friend posted a psalm recently and it spoke to my heart. I added it to my journal of scripture and made a mental note to memorize it. I was going through my journal and reading all the other entries from the book of Psalms and was deeply touched by David's love and willingness to trust in God. Over and over again, you read how David is pouring out his heart to his heavenly father. His words show how much he loves God and honors Him.You can see, without a doubt, that David is consumed with God, that He truly is his strength, shield, stronghold, protector, redeemer...the list goes on. I have to admit that sometimes I struggle with this. I know in my mind that God loves me unconditionally and that I am chosen but sometimes that doesn't always translate to my heart. David never wavered, well, there was that incident with Bathsheba but even in his sin he knew God was still there. I think one reason why he didn't repent until Nathan approached him was because David knew that God was still there watching AND loving him.
Our God is a living god, He is with us now. He is watching over us now, He longs for us now! We were created to be in relationship with Him, He wants our undivided attention and love. I wish I could pour out my heart like David did. I know God isn't expecting me to be the author of 150 psalms to show my love and devotion. I can show my love for Him by living my life for Him. David has inspired me to make loving God a priority. In Titus 2, I learned that the more I get to know God and understand Him, the more I will feel His love.Over the past three years, God has become more and more a priority in my life. I continue to seek Him through my quiet times, community group, enrolling in bible studies and prayer. I want to be able to show my love for Him like David did. I'm going to dive into the Psalms and I'm looking forward to learning more about God and seeing Him through the eyes of David. My prayer is that I will strengthen my relationship with God and become more of a woman after God's heart.
Friday, November 9, 2012
I have a confession...
I have a confession...I want to get married and have a family of my own!
Whew! I'm glad the cat is out of the bag. I'm terrible at keeping secrets, I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. Ok...ok...I realize that this isn't a huge confession for a single girl to make, however, I felt the need to make it known. In my admission I realize that I may have shot myself in the foot and scared away any non-marriage minded suitors, but I'm kinda ok with that. Serious suitors need only apply!
I'm currently participating in a Titus 2 group and absolutely love it!! For all of you single or married girls out there who haven't taken this class...get on it! The class is devoted to teaching us girls how to be godly women and how to live well as a daughter of God; several of the chapters are based on relationships, especially those of a godly husband and wife. Oh, and boys if you are reading this...there is a companion study for you too! But back to us girls...the last chapter we read was about obedience and centered around the female being the "helper" in the relationship. God created man to the be the leader and the woman is his helper. The study reveals that the word "helper" is only used in the Bible to describe God and Eve. Hmmm...there's something to think about.
This may sound corny and very circa 1952, but I can't wait to fulfill this role. The exciting part about all of this is that it is the role that I am called to be in! I want to be with a godly man that will lead our family and our relationship and that will encourage me in my walk with Christ. I will also encourage him and help him be the best leader that he can be. This may seem very daunting to the men reading this but don't let it. Remember, I am your helper!! I am not expecting to enter into a relationship with a man who has everything figured out, if that were the case, he wouldn't need me. I do want to be in a relationship with someone who fervently seeks the Lord; someone who spends time in the word and in prayer, who serves and seeks wise counsel and accountability from others.
These last couple of days I've read about a million articles on singleness...how to be single...how not to be single...how to pursue a relationship...how to not pursue a relationship...I think you get the picture. All the articles I have read have all had a common foundation, they have all been rooted in scripture or found on a Christian website. For the most part, each article has offered sound advice, but I'm not any closer to being with that special guy. The best encouragement I received was from a friend's blog (Thank you, Julie). She wrote about Lazarus and Jesus waiting four days before he brought him back to life. Those days were torture for Mary and Martha and the disciples were a little confused, but when Jesus raised Lazarus from the dead it brought God such glory! I think that God has me in a four day (figurative) waiting period, when I do enter into a relationship it will bring God glory. It will be the kind of relationship that is crafted by scripture and HIS hand, not mine.
In the meantime, my plan of action is going to continue to be the kind of woman that God created me to be. I still need to learn more about my role as a "helper" and how to be a godly wife. I will continue to spend time in the word, developing my character and becoming more like Him. I will continue to serve and surround myself with godly women to hold me accountable and encourage my walk. I will continue to seek Him, instead of a "him".
Whew! I'm glad the cat is out of the bag. I'm terrible at keeping secrets, I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. Ok...ok...I realize that this isn't a huge confession for a single girl to make, however, I felt the need to make it known. In my admission I realize that I may have shot myself in the foot and scared away any non-marriage minded suitors, but I'm kinda ok with that. Serious suitors need only apply!
I'm currently participating in a Titus 2 group and absolutely love it!! For all of you single or married girls out there who haven't taken this class...get on it! The class is devoted to teaching us girls how to be godly women and how to live well as a daughter of God; several of the chapters are based on relationships, especially those of a godly husband and wife. Oh, and boys if you are reading this...there is a companion study for you too! But back to us girls...the last chapter we read was about obedience and centered around the female being the "helper" in the relationship. God created man to the be the leader and the woman is his helper. The study reveals that the word "helper" is only used in the Bible to describe God and Eve. Hmmm...there's something to think about.
This may sound corny and very circa 1952, but I can't wait to fulfill this role. The exciting part about all of this is that it is the role that I am called to be in! I want to be with a godly man that will lead our family and our relationship and that will encourage me in my walk with Christ. I will also encourage him and help him be the best leader that he can be. This may seem very daunting to the men reading this but don't let it. Remember, I am your helper!! I am not expecting to enter into a relationship with a man who has everything figured out, if that were the case, he wouldn't need me. I do want to be in a relationship with someone who fervently seeks the Lord; someone who spends time in the word and in prayer, who serves and seeks wise counsel and accountability from others.
These last couple of days I've read about a million articles on singleness...how to be single...how not to be single...how to pursue a relationship...how to not pursue a relationship...I think you get the picture. All the articles I have read have all had a common foundation, they have all been rooted in scripture or found on a Christian website. For the most part, each article has offered sound advice, but I'm not any closer to being with that special guy. The best encouragement I received was from a friend's blog (Thank you, Julie). She wrote about Lazarus and Jesus waiting four days before he brought him back to life. Those days were torture for Mary and Martha and the disciples were a little confused, but when Jesus raised Lazarus from the dead it brought God such glory! I think that God has me in a four day (figurative) waiting period, when I do enter into a relationship it will bring God glory. It will be the kind of relationship that is crafted by scripture and HIS hand, not mine.
In the meantime, my plan of action is going to continue to be the kind of woman that God created me to be. I still need to learn more about my role as a "helper" and how to be a godly wife. I will continue to spend time in the word, developing my character and becoming more like Him. I will continue to serve and surround myself with godly women to hold me accountable and encourage my walk. I will continue to seek Him, instead of a "him".
Monday, April 23, 2012
Tik Tok
"There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven." (Ecclesiastes 3:1)
We live in a world that is driven by instant gratification. Receiving comments, likes and retweets have fueled this desire to have what we want, when we want it. Simply post something on one of many social media boards and you are guaranteed feedback in mere seconds. TV shows and movies are available at the push of a button, and why go buy a cd or a book when you can download one to your new technologically savvy device. Literally, the world is at our fingertips. This ease and convenience can cause some serious issues when we are faced with a dilemma that can't be solved through the speed of the internet.
I think it is safe to say that as a society we hate to wait. Nothing irritates us more than a Sunday morning driver during Wednesday afternoon traffic, or that one person who ordered dinner for ten in the drive-thru, or having to devote half a work day to getting our picture taken for our driver's license...we have people to see and places to be...enough with waiting! If only we could click our heels three times and be done with all the waiting. Generally, we all think we know what we need and when we need it. I don't think that could be further from the truth.
My life goal was to be married and have a family by the time I was 25...well, I'm six years behind on that one! As someone who loves to plan and set goals, this is one goal that I am thankful that I didn't reach. Yes, I am still a little impatient and want to eventually get there, but in God's timing, not my own. Two verses that God has recently revealed to me are:
I have faith and trust in Him, that my season will change and I will ushered into a new phase of my life when it is the right time. I know I will grow impatient, and that I have some hard lessons to learn but I will wait for Him because He faithful in His promises (Psalm 145:13).
We live in a world that is driven by instant gratification. Receiving comments, likes and retweets have fueled this desire to have what we want, when we want it. Simply post something on one of many social media boards and you are guaranteed feedback in mere seconds. TV shows and movies are available at the push of a button, and why go buy a cd or a book when you can download one to your new technologically savvy device. Literally, the world is at our fingertips. This ease and convenience can cause some serious issues when we are faced with a dilemma that can't be solved through the speed of the internet.
I think it is safe to say that as a society we hate to wait. Nothing irritates us more than a Sunday morning driver during Wednesday afternoon traffic, or that one person who ordered dinner for ten in the drive-thru, or having to devote half a work day to getting our picture taken for our driver's license...we have people to see and places to be...enough with waiting! If only we could click our heels three times and be done with all the waiting. Generally, we all think we know what we need and when we need it. I don't think that could be further from the truth.
My life goal was to be married and have a family by the time I was 25...well, I'm six years behind on that one! As someone who loves to plan and set goals, this is one goal that I am thankful that I didn't reach. Yes, I am still a little impatient and want to eventually get there, but in God's timing, not my own. Two verses that God has recently revealed to me are:
- "Let us not become weary in doing good for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up" (Galatians 6:9)
- "The eyes of all look to you, and you give them their food at the proper time" (Psalm 145:15)
I have faith and trust in Him, that my season will change and I will ushered into a new phase of my life when it is the right time. I know I will grow impatient, and that I have some hard lessons to learn but I will wait for Him because He faithful in His promises (Psalm 145:13).
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